Silent Retreat
I live for quietness. A hushed walk, having the space in my brain to recognize the sun’s warmth, or to have a full thought come to fruition without being cut off. But this is not my reality. Motherhood is being surrounded by sound — crying, non-stop chatter, squeals of joy and fun — an unconscious discord that tends to make the introverted mom tense and jittery. Babies come into this world making noise — the sound of new life. As they grow and learn to talk, they chatter their realities into being, the soundtrack of motherhood.
“Mom, look at this!”
“Mom, I need...”
“Mom. Mom…MOM!?”
I find my in-between-my-ears-thinking and semi-grown thoughts constantly lost to vocal vibrations. My kids are loud, in their happy moments and sad moments — there are always sounds. And this noise, day in and day out…it gets to me. And sometimes, I wonder if Alexa is the third child that I just don’t recall birthing. Alexa gets a workout in our home. She is often on, playing music from time the kids are awake until bedtime, blaring their present favored playlists. I know this when I feel my agitation rise and shout, "Alexa, off!" Motherhood is anything but silent.
As an introvert, I have a hard-wired need for quiet, which can be challenging in the chaos of motherhood. Sometimes amid noise, I imagine what it would be like to have the possibility to attend a silent retreat, and this past weekend I was given this opportunity. I was gifted a silent retreat. No, I didn’t get to go all Eat Pray Love and sit with a guru or find inner peace and balance in an ashram, but I did have the house to myself for a little over 24 hours, and IT. WAS. GLORIOUS.
In my blessed noble silence, I felt the calm as I naturally slowed down, feeling more vibrant and truly myself. The time gave me sort of a spa-like experience for my mind (and I did a facial mask too). As I relished in my outer silence, I subsequently gained inner silence.
While my silent retreat was a tranquil privilege and a time of wonderful self-care, by the end, I was ready for my family to return. I was refreshed, inner silence rejuvenated, ready and available for my loved ones. Because more than anything, motherhood is undoubtedly my favorite, even with all the noise.